How to Navigate Family Stress Over the Holidays
For many of us, the holidays bring a swirl of emotions—joy, nostalgia, frustration, and even dread.
It’s not all cozy sweaters and sparkling lights; the season can also magnify family tensions, highlight losses, and leave us wondering how to survive the whirlwind without losing ourselves.
Let’s get real: the holidays can be hard. Here are some honest, practical ways to move through the season when family stress feels overwhelming.
1. Notice Your Stress—Don’t Ignore It
It’s easy to plow through the chaos, telling yourself to “just get through it,” but that approach often leaves you feeling more overwhelmed. Stress isn’t weakness—it’s your body trying to tell you something. Pay attention.
What to try:
Pause when you can. Feel your shoulders creeping toward your ears? Stomach in knots? Stop. Take a slow, deep breath. Exhale like you’re blowing out a candle.
Acknowledge what’s happening. Try saying (or thinking), This is hard right now. It’s okay to feel this way.Naming your emotions without trying to “fix” them can release some of the pressure.
2. Set Limits Without Apology
Family can be complicated, and their expectations often pile onto the already heavy weight of the season. Here’s the truth: You are not obligated to set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It’s okay to say no, to cancel plans, or to step away from conversations that drain you.
What to try:
Keep it simple. You don’t owe anyone a long explanation. “I can’t make it this year” or “I need to head out early” is enough.
Protect your energy. If certain topics or people always push your buttons, think about how you can avoid them—or limit your time with them.
It’s not your job to meet every expectation. You are allowed to protect your peace, even if it ruffles feathers.
3. Stop Chasing the Perfect Holiday
The perfect holiday is a myth—a carefully curated Instagram post that melts into reality the second the camera’s off. Let’s stop pretending we’re all sipping hot cocoa by the fire when most of us are breaking up sibling fights or burning the turkey.
What to try:
Decide what actually matters. Is it seeing your kids light up at the Christmas parade? Having 10 minutes of quiet with a cup of tea? Focus on those moments, not the Pinterest version of the season.
Let go of guilt. Store-bought cookies? Perfect. Skipping the party because you’re exhausted? Great choice.
Trying to do everything often leaves us missing the moments that matter.
4. Anticipate Family Dynamics Without Taking the Bait
Family gatherings can bring out old wounds and familiar roles—sometimes you feel like a kid all over again, no matter how much you’ve grown. You can’t control how others act, but you can decide how you’ll respond.
What to try:
Take breaks when you need them. A quick step outside or a moment alone in the bathroom can help you reset.
Keep your responses simple. If someone pokes at you, try, “That’s an interesting perspective” or “I’ll think about that.” You don’t have to argue or prove a point.
It’s not your responsibility to fix family dynamics in a single dinner.
5. Find a Moment That’s Yours
The holidays often pull us in a hundred directions, and it’s easy to lose yourself in the shuffle. Claiming even a small moment for yourself can remind you that you’re allowed to matter, too.
What to try:
Carve out a ritual you love. Whether it’s a walk through the snow, listening to your favorite music while wrapping presents, or sneaking a quiet coffee before the day starts, give yourself that time.
Lower the bar. Rest doesn’t have to be extravagant—it just has to be enough.
6. Feel Your Feelings—All of Them
Holidays can dig up complicated emotions. You might feel sadness for what’s missing, resentment over what’s expected, or anxiety about what’s ahead. None of that makes you a bad person. It makes you human.
What to try:
Let yourself grieve. If the holidays highlight loss—of a loved one, a tradition, or even a version of yourself—it’s okay to feel that fully.
Be honest about what’s hard. Share your feelings with someone you trust or write them down. Naming your emotions can make them feel less overwhelming.
Joy and pain can coexist. You’re allowed to feel both.
Navigating family stress over the holidays isn’t about plastering on a smile or pretending everything’s fine—it’s about showing up as you are, with all the messiness that comes with being human. Some years, just making it through is enough.
This season, try to give yourself the grace you so easily offer to others. You’re not here to “get it right.” You’re here to live it, in all its imperfect glory. And that’s enough.
