Why Your Summer Felt Heavy (And How to Find Real Joy)
What we learned when we asked our community about summer - and why joy feels so hard to find
We asked our beautiful Instagram community a simple question: "How was your summer?"
The answers broke our hearts wide open. Words like "heavy," "overwhelming," "disappointing," and yes - "poopy" - filled our DMs. So many of you shared that despite having time off, family trips, and sunny days, something still felt missing. The joy you were chasing seemed to slip through your fingers like sand.
This isn't your fault. And you're definitely not alone.
As therapists working with busy humans across rural Alberta and beyond, we see this pattern every single day. We live in a world that tells us joy should look a certain way - loud, bright, Instagram-worthy. And when our inner experience doesn't match those expectations, we start to wonder if something is wrong with us.
Spoiler alert: Nothing is wrong with you.
The Joy Trap We All Fall Into
Here's what we've noticed in our therapy rooms: most of us are chasing joy the way we chase everything else in our busy lives. We think if we just do more, buy more, plan more, or achieve more, joy will finally show up.
We plan the perfect summer vacation and wonder why we feel stressed the whole time. We buy the cute summer clothes and still feel uncomfortable in our skin. We say yes to every barbecue and beach day, then wonder why we feel so drained.
The thing is, joy isn't something we can chase down and capture. It's something that grows quietly in the spaces between our doing.
Why Summer Felt So Heavy
Summer is supposed to be the season of ease, right? Longer days, warmer weather, vacation time. And yet, for so many of you, it felt like carrying a backpack full of rocks.
There are real reasons for this:
The Pressure to Make It Perfect Summer comes with so many expectations. We should be having fun. We should be grateful for the weather. We should be making memories. All that "should" energy creates a heavy feeling in our bodies, even when we're supposed to be relaxing.
The Speed of Life Doesn't Actually Slow Down Even when we have time off, our nervous systems are still running on the same frantic energy. We might be at the beach, and our minds are still racing with work thoughts or family worries. Our bodies haven't learned how to actually rest yet.
Joy Got Mixed Up with Pleasure We've been taught that joy comes from external things - the right experience, the perfect moment, the ideal situation. And when those things don't deliver the feeling we expected, we feel disappointed and confused.
We're Disconnected from Our Inner World Most of us have been running so fast for so long that we've lost touch with what actually brings us alive. We know what we think we should enjoy, and we have no idea what actually lights us up from the inside.
The Science of Real Joy
Here's something beautiful that we love sharing with our therapy clients: joy isn't just a nice feeling. It's actually medicine for your body and brain.
When you experience genuine joy, your cortisol levels drop. Your heart rate becomes more steady and calm. Your immune system gets stronger. Your nervous system shifts out of fight-or-flight mode and into repair mode.
Joy literally heals you.
And the most beautiful part? Real joy doesn't need perfect circumstances. It can show up in the middle of ordinary Tuesday mornings. It can happen while you're washing dishes or walking to your car.
Real joy is an inside job.
Where We've Been Looking for Joy (And Why It's Not Working)
Let's get honest about where most of us have been searching for joy:
In Achievement We think we'll feel joyful when we reach the next goal, get the promotion, lose the weight, or cross something off our endless to-do list. Achievement can feel good, and it's not where lasting joy lives.
In Other People's Approval We wait for someone to notice us, appreciate us, or validate us before we allow ourselves to feel good. This puts our joy in other people's hands, which means we're always waiting.
In Perfect Moments We think joy will show up when everything lines up just right - the perfect weather, the perfect company, the perfect mood. And since perfect moments are rare, joy feels rare too.
In Buying Things New clothes, new gadgets, new experiences. Shopping can give us a little hit of excitement, and it fades quickly, leaving us searching for the next purchase.
In Comparison We scroll through social media and think joy looks like everyone else's highlight reel. We try to recreate what looks joyful for others, and it feels flat and empty for us.
All of these approaches have something in common: they put joy somewhere outside of us. They make joy dependent on circumstances we can't always control.
What Real Joy Actually Looks Like
Real joy is quieter than we think. It's gentler. It's more available.
Real joy might look like:
The way your body relaxes when you hear your favorite song
The warmth in your chest when you pet your dog
The satisfaction of making yourself a cup of tea exactly how you like it
The feeling of sun on your face during a work break
The moment when you laugh so hard your belly hurts
The peace that comes with taking three deep breaths
Joy isn't always big and exciting. Sometimes it's soft and steady. Sometimes it's the absence of stress more than the presence of excitement.
The Nervous System Connection
In our therapy work, we spend a lot of time helping people understand their nervous systems. When your nervous system is activated - stuck in fight, flight, or freeze mode - joy becomes almost impossible to access.
Think about it: when you're worried about work, stressed about money, or overwhelmed by your schedule, how available are you to feel joy? Even if something wonderful happens, your body might be too wound up to actually receive it.
This is why so many of you had disappointing summers even when good things were happening. Your nervous systems were still running on stress mode.
The beautiful news is that we can teach our nervous systems how to settle. We can create the inner conditions where joy can actually land and be felt.
How to Create Space for Real Joy
Joy needs space to grow. It needs our nervous systems to be calm enough to actually feel it. Here are some gentle ways to create that space:
Start with Your Breath Three slow, deep breaths can shift your entire nervous system. When you feel scattered or heavy, pause and breathe. This tells your body it's safe to slow down and feel.
Notice What's Already Good Right now, in this moment, what's working? Maybe it's the fact that you're breathing easily. Maybe it's that you have a roof over your head. Maybe it's the way the light looks coming through your window. Joy often hides in plain sight.
Follow Your Body's Yes Your body knows what brings you joy, even when your mind is confused. When you think about different activities, notice what makes your body feel lighter versus heavier. Trust those signals.
Slow Down Enough to Actually Feel We move so fast that we miss most of our experiences. What if you ate your lunch slowly enough to taste it? What if you walked to your car slowly enough to feel your feet on the ground?
Connect with Something Bigger Joy often comes when we remember we're part of something larger than our daily worries. This might be nature, spirituality, community, or creativity. Find what connects you to that bigger sense of belonging.
Practice Receiving Most of us are much better at giving than receiving. Practice letting compliments land. Let yourself really feel it when someone is kind to you. Let yourself receive the beauty around you instead of just rushing past it.
The Role of Therapy in Finding Joy
Sometimes, the barriers to joy run deeper than busy schedules and stressful days. Sometimes joy feels unreachable because of old wounds, trauma, or patterns we learned early in life.
In therapy, we create a safe space to explore what's been blocking your access to joy. Maybe you learned that you don't deserve good things. Maybe expressing joy felt unsafe in your family. Maybe you've been carrying so much responsibility for others that you forgot how to feel good yourself.
Therapy helps you:
Understand your unique barriers to joy
Heal the wounds that keep you stuck in survival mode
Learn tools to regulate your nervous system
Reconnect with your authentic desires and pleasures
Create new patterns that support lasting well-being
We work with people both in-person in our Calmar, Nisku, and Leduc locations, and virtually across Canada. Our approach is always gentle, trauma-informed, and focused on helping you come home to yourself.
Small Steps Toward More Joy
You don't need to overhaul your entire life to find more joy. Small shifts can create big changes over time.
This Week, Try:
Setting a gentle alarm to remind you to take three deep breaths twice a day
Noticing one thing each morning that you're grateful for
Doing one small thing each day that brings you pleasure (tea, music, a short walk)
Asking yourself "What does my body need right now?" and listening to the answer
This Month, Consider:
Saying no to one commitment that drains you
Saying yes to one activity that lights you up
Spending time in nature, even if it's just sitting outside for ten minutes
Connecting with someone who makes you feel seen and appreciated
This Season, Explore:
What brought you joy as a child, and how you might reconnect with that
What activities make you lose track of time
What environments help you feel most like yourself
What relationships feed your soul versus drain your energy
A Different Kind of Summer (And Life)
Imagine a summer where you don't need everything to be perfect to feel good. Where you can find joy in ordinary moments. Where your nervous system knows how to rest and receive pleasure.
This isn't about pretending everything is fine when it's not. It's about building your capacity to feel good even in the middle of a complex, challenging, beautiful life.
Joy is your birthright. It's not something you have to earn or achieve or wait for. It's something you can cultivate, moment by moment, breath by breath.
Your Nervous System Needs Support Too
If reading this resonates and you're thinking "This sounds nice, and I have no idea how to actually do it," that's completely normal. Many of us need support learning how to access joy, especially if we've been running on stress for a long time.
Your nervous system might need some gentle repatterning. Your heart might need some healing. Your mind might need some new tools for managing stress and overwhelm.
This is exactly what we do in therapy. We help busy, overwhelmed humans remember how to feel good in their own bodies and lives.
Ready to Find Your Joy?
If you're tired of chasing joy and ready to cultivate it from the inside out, we'd love to support you. Our team of therapists understands the unique challenges of life in rural Alberta, and we work with people virtually across Canada too.
We offer a free discovery call where you can share what's been heavy for you and learn more about how therapy might help. There's no pressure, just connection and clarity about your next steps.
You deserve to feel joy that doesn't depend on perfect circumstances. You deserve to feel at home in your own life. You deserve support in creating the inner conditions where joy can actually land and be felt.
Ready to take that first step? Book your free discovery call today.
Because joy isn't just a nice-to-have. It's medicine. It's healing. It's your birthright.
And you don't have to find it alone.
At Nurtured Minds Wellness, we believe every human deserves access to joy, peace, and authentic connection. Our team of holistic therapists serves rural Alberta communities including Calmar, Nisku, and Leduc, as well as clients virtually across Canada. Ready to start your journey home to yourself?
